I live in between worlds where farewells are frequent. For over 28 years I have been sojourning with my American guy, living a life that means we are always saying farewell to family in two continents and I’m always saying goodbye to two worlds I love. My Scottish world where my family lives and my American world where my kiddos and friends live. Never in a million years did I imagine that a cross-cultural marriage would mean that the so-longs would become a rhythm of life. Even the community I am part of every year goes through a rhythm of change. Hellos and goodbyes here are hard and complicated!
While sitting in my living room in 80 degree weather, pretending it’s Fall, I’m reflecting on rhythms of change and how it all connects to my hellos and goodbyes.
What is it about present farewells that bring up the emotions of past ones?
Summer is long gone, the first semester of the new school year is over and we are well into the Christmas season! For as long as I can remember, the rhythm of my year has always followed along with the academic year rather than the calendar year. A change in role this season has given me the time and space to process the many hellos and goodbyes this year has brought.
Spring & summer were filled with happy reunions and memories to treasure. Soaking up the moments we have as family and friends together before it’s time to say farewell. Once again the hidden grief gets uncovered, the pain of leaving is exposed, tears leak out, and the countdown to reuniting begins all over again.
For many years, my best friend and I could never even utter words of goodbye. We would smile and wave, with the words, “See you later!” The pain of being apart was just too hard, and denial seemed to be the way to plough on through it. We’ve gotten better, with technology allowing us to talk every day and stay connected.
My kiddo said it exactly right when she was just six. Her prayer went something like this: “Dear Lord, I pray that Grandma was on one side of the street and Oman on the other so I could cross between whenever I want”. That just about broke my heart! The sorrow of missing one world while being at home in another. In the painful parting of ways, I am reminded of all of the people who have changed, and continue to change our lives for the better, because of the time we spent with them.
I had to say goodbye to a dear friend this summer. A colleague whom I talked to every day. Someone to listen to, encourage and pray with. Someone who listened, encouraged and prayed for me. I miss hearing her laugh, and there is that uncomfortable feeling of regret in the pit of my stomach that I didn’t make the effort to spend more time with her while she was here. Her exit was unexpected, and we ran out of time to hang out.
Some farewells are really, “‘til we meet again”. A dear lady who cared for our family during a rough season in Kuwait was promoted to her heavenly home not that long ago. It’s been over sixteen years since I last saw her, but the impact she had on me will always remain. Gifts brought from halfway across the world to our kiddos and useful things for our kitchen that she knew we couldn’t get there were reminders of her simple but profound kindness. A reminder that sometimes the giving of seemingly insignificant things are often the most impactful.
The Fall months are a particularly hard season across our organisation because it is the beginning of endings here. It’s a time of year when the decision to renew contracts happen, and our worldwide community goes through the pre-grieving and feelings of loss when the list of staying and leaving staff gets posted. Every year, while Fall is celebrated as a season of magnificent change in many countries, our community heads into a season of lamentable change. The international community tends to connect with one another quickly, friendships and alliances are formed, and then suddenly, every November, everything changes.
The Fall months are complicated because, in departures, there are so many factors that lead friends and colleagues to decide to leave, and rarely is everything shared. Relationships change, and grief comes out in expected and unexpected ways, both for those who stay and those who leave.
In reflecting on the Thanksgiving holiday just passed, I am learning that it is okay to still grieve and still have gratitude. In fact, both are necessary to live authentically and not stay in either sorrow or denial. So…
I am grateful for all of the people, places, experiences, and memories that have been shared. I am blessed that my paths have crossed with so many sweet people. I am thankful for the places I have lived and the cultures I have interacted with. I am grateful for the parts of the world I’ve been able to see and the beauty of the Created World.
But sometimes I just miss it all. I miss those who have gone before me, the ones who are far off and the ones who are near that one day I will miss! The nostalgia of aromas and foods, views and landmarks, flora and fauna. In those homesickness days, I am holding on tight to gratitude in the midst of the tears, for all of the treasured memories shared and the ones still to come because of the hope that lies ahead; that we will meet again one day, if not in this life, in the one yet to come.
I am full of gratitude for the ones who have left behind a legacy of faith for me to follow, those who continue to journey with me, and my America guy, with whom I get to traverse the world.
I’m also reminding myself that in a faith-built community, there will always be friends to connect with, experiences shared, and memories to be made. And the unique gift that one day there will be no more goodbyes, or farewells, or tears.
This sojourning life has me always living between worlds. Have there been regrets, yes, but no doubts. A life I wouldn’t want to change, for I know no other.
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